the elephant in the room

So, there is an elephant in the room that I kept avoiding all this time and then it turned into a dinosaur and then I realized it’s time I confronted it. In 24 days I’m turning 31 and I just hated the idea. Hated it, hated it, hated it. Well, I love the fact than I’m still alive and ready to celebrate another birthday, I just wished it would be my 22nd.

I could do things right this time. I could quit smoking earlier when my metabolism was still decent and a bar of chocolate didn’t cost me a size in jeans. I could go and find Will in Grinnell and ask him out and save me a few more years of loneliness. I could give better advice to my friends and pay more attention to classes. I could get more tattoos while I had high pain tolerance and didn’t think things through. Oh, there are so many things I could re-do!

Even if I made the same mistakes all over again and didn’t change a thing, I would still wished I was 22. “I’m not ready to be 31” the girl in the mirror told me and she kept repeating it while I was scanning her face for thin lines around the eyes. I didn’t find anything and my shattered vanity breathed again. It choked when I added the “yet” to “no lines”.

And then something changed. It started with the realization that the biggest and most beautiful full moon of the year will shine on my birthday (August 24th). The next few days, I went over my 20s and admitted that they weren’t that great. Well, I had fun, but I also took a lot of bullshit from people I shouldn’t give the time of the day to. And some of my outfits should go under the label “what’s wrong with you?”. And I don’t even remember how I spent my 22nd birthday. But I can tell you that the 30th was the best one I’ve ever had.

And the truth is I like me and my life better now. So, I wish people would stop saying that the 30s are the new 20s. I finally know what I really want and I can’t go back to the age of insecurity.

9 Comments

Filed under Homesickness and other maladies, Random days and nights, What's wrong with you?

9 responses to “the elephant in the room

  1. jerry

    Με συγκίνησες πολύ …

    • εγώ να δεις πόσο συγκινήθηκα, όταν έκανα την πρόσθεση και μου βγήκε 31.

      πέρα από την πλάκα, εσύ που ήσουν μάρτυρας όλων των στάδιων της ζωής μου, ξέρεις πως σε όλα τα 20ς μου ήμουν μια τρελή που έτρεχε γύρω γύρω με ένα μόνιμο τσιγάρο στο χέρι και όλο κάτι έψαχνε και όλο δεν το έβρισκε. ε, ξέρω τι έψαχνα, το βρήκα στον καθρέπτη του καινούργιου μπάνιου (με το πουά περίγραμμα που πρόσθεσα εχθές).

  2. we share the same birthday, August 24th🙂

  3. very sweet…I am walking slooowly towards my 30s and I feel exactly the same from now…haven’t confronted the dinosaur yet but i think I am on that path. You are so right!🙂

  4. in case you need some help or advice, give me call, I had a hard case of the dinosaur to deal with!

  5. George

    Why? God, why?
    Why am i already 31 and i can NOT laugh at you?

    R u out of your mind? 30’s are the best. We know what we want and we can afford it (well, most of them. Last week i had a strong desire for a Bentley).

    Cheers for the 30’s. I ll probably be happy at 40’s too. I m not sure for my 60’s. It’s up to IKA🙂

  6. we feel excactly the same. 27th of Septeber is my 30th birthday and i am anxious from now!! i do look in the mirror to find thin lines in my eyes and i wish i were 20 again to redo the same mistakes!!!!

  7. ALIA

    Giotaki mou na se xairomaste….Se skeftomai pou kai pou, diavazw (episis pou kai pou..) ta post sou edw sto kuvernoxwro kai allote gelaw, allote sumponaw, allote xupnane anamnhseis apo th 8ruliki koritsokouzina me tis metakomiseis “ALIA” bebaiws bebaiws…..Den htan polla auta pou moirasthkame (analogika me to posa 8a mporousame) alla htan entona, alismonita kai xarak8ikan (na xereis) for ever in my heart! Na eisai ugihs mia olokliri zwi, eutuxismeni dipla ston “enhlika Strovilo” (apaixto to vrhka kai 8a skaga an de pliktrologousa k egw…xe xe) kai euxomai opote 8eliseis na megalwseis thn oikogeneia na er8ei omorfa me ta matia sou na geloun apo eytyxia!

    FILIA POLLA….
    P.S. (Sunantiemai se 3 bdomades me xaderfes M. kai G. sto party ths Den gia to mwraki ths….AYTA EINAI!!!!!!!!)

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